


The Many Songs of Merlin

by Emachinescat



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, Inspired by The Cloud Song - Spookydoom, Poetry, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-23
Updated: 2011-08-08
Packaged: 2018-01-14 09:18:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 1,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1261078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emachinescat/pseuds/Emachinescat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Series of mini-songs/poems, each dedicated to poking fun at a character from Merlin. Spoofs of "The Cloud Song" on YouTube. First up... The Uther Song! In the same universe as my "Twelve Days of Merlin" fics. Silliness with a smidge of cleverness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Uther Song

**Author's Note:**

> Don't own, for entertainment purposes only.
> 
> Enjoy! :)

My name is Uther  
I'm so misled  
I like to kill  
Good people dead  
And when they say  
"It's not my fault!"  
I will then lock  
Them in a vault

And then I'll choose  
To execute  
Even if  
They have some proof  
Sometimes I will  
Use the pyre  
That I like  
To set on fire

Because I am King  
Whatever I say is the law  
And if you defy me  
I'll break out my chainsaw!

I hate magic  
Because I'm scared  
I think that it is  
Really weird  
I will kill wizards  
I have no heart  
You may mistake me  
For Voldemort


	2. The Arthur Song

My name is Arthur  
I am a prince  
When it comes to magic  
I'm on the fence  
I'm still not sure  
What's right or wrong  
My inner conflict  
Is what fueled this song

I have servant  
He calls me 'prat'  
Once he even  
Said that I'm fat  
I love a girl  
She loves me too  
But sadly dad  
Does not approve

Because I am Arthur  
I practice fighting everyday  
And I sleep with no shirt on  
Because it starts a fan craze

Don't make me mad  
Or you'll regret it  
I can beat you up  
Unless you're magic  
And even then  
You're going to lose  
Because I am  
Cooler than you


	3. The Merlin Song

My name is Merlin  
I'm a warlock  
When it comes to magic  
I really rock  
I say some words  
My eyes turn gold  
They call me Emrys  
It's getting old

I have a destiny  
And I'm a servant  
Sometimes I wonder  
If the prat's worth it  
I protect him  
From certain doom  
And my reward  
Is cleaning his room

Because I am Merlin  
I am often in the stocks  
And I hate it when I have to  
Clean the prince's stinky socks!

A word of warning:  
Do not try to  
Kill my friend Arthur  
'Cause I'll stop you  
I have great magic  
And a Sidhe staff  
That I will use  
On your behalf!


	4. The Morgana Song

I am Morgana  
I love to smirk  
I have been told  
That I'm a jerk  
But I don't care  
What people say  
Because I am  
So filled with hate

I once was sweet  
I cared a lot  
Now all I want  
Is Camelot  
I hate Uther  
He is my father  
He never told me  
That I'm his daughter

Because I am evil  
I care about no one but me  
I will have my revenge  
And you shall not stop me

With my witch sister  
Right by my side  
Upon Camelot  
Evil shall rise  
I'll get Merlin, too  
For what he's done  
To see him squirm  
Will be great fun!


	5. The Lancelot Song

I am Lancelot  
I have a dream  
A noble knight  
I wish to be  
But I'm not rich  
I'm not a lord  
A family crest  
I can't afford

I'm friends with Merlin  
He helped me out  
He puts up with me  
Even when I pout  
I've fought dead knights  
I've fought a griffon  
I've even stabbed  
At a big wildren

Because I am Lance  
I think that Gwen is my true love  
And when I see her kissing Arthur  
It makes me want to throw down my glove

And now my dreams  
Have been realized  
We will help Arthur  
(Gwaine, Merlin, and I)  
We'll be best buds  
Four Musketeers  
And I'll try not to  
Let Gwen see my tears


	6. The Gwen Song

My name is Gwen  
I like flowers  
And with me all  
Boys like to flirt  
I've kissed Merlin  
And Arthur too  
And Lancelot  
He is too cute

I am a maid  
I love the prince  
Although his dad  
Thinks I'm a witch  
I'm really not  
I don't know magic  
Although I do know  
Morgana's a maniac!

Because I am Gwen  
I can kiss anyone I want  
And Arthur will still trust me  
Even when it comes to Lancelot!

I'm a sweet girl  
Don't get me wrong  
It's not my fault  
Emachinescat wrote this song  
She's just jealous  
Because I have kissed  
All kinds of guys  
Right on the lips


	7. The Gaius Song

My name is Gaius  
I have some potions  
Some are for trolls  
And some are lotions  
I love all herbs  
And they love me  
I have been known  
To hug a tree

I have some magic  
I know some spells  
I helped Uther  
When he sees people in wells  
I am a doctor  
I'll make you well  
Whether you are sick  
Or you tripped and fell

Because I am Gaius  
Uther asks me what to do  
But never heeds my words and  
Tries to kill me with fake proof

I have a ward  
His name is Merlin  
And I love him  
Like he's my son  
And he might be  
My own nephew  
But is it canon  
Or fan-induced?


	8. The Leon Song

My name is Leon  
I am a knight  
Through every battle  
I live to fight  
And when I die  
I am rescued  
With a Cup  
By some nice Druids

I've fought a dragon  
And made it through  
I've fought immortals  
With only minor wounds  
I am the greatest  
Knight of them all  
And I don't drink  
Much alcohol

Because I am Leon  
I'm manly even in a dress  
And I'm nice to everyone so  
Don't think that I'm a pest!

And still I live  
No matter what  
Even if  
I have been shot  
Not much is known  
About my past  
Which inspires  
Fan-fiction fads


	9. The Nimueh Song

My name is Nimueh  
I am a witch  
You scratch my back  
I'll make yours itch  
I'm not too nice  
I like to plot  
Don't tick me off  
Or I'll see you rot

I hate Uther  
More than he knows  
I am a priestess  
Of the Religion of Old  
I have great powers  
At the Isle of the Blest  
For a life to be given  
There must be a debt!

Because I am Nimueh  
I shall have my revenge  
And if Merlin shall not help me,  
With a fireball I'll singe him!

But he's too cool  
For me to destroy  
He can call down lightening  
Even if he's just a boy  
Word of advice:  
Don't kill his friends  
Unless you'd like  
A painful end!


	10. The Mordred Song

My name is Mordred  
I'm just a lad  
Don't let that fool you  
'Cuz I am bad  
I am real cute  
My eyes are blue  
Don't make me mad  
Or I'll kill you

I love Morgana  
She kept me safe  
When Uther was  
Giving me chase  
I don't like Emrys  
He made me trip  
To try and protect kill  
His precious prince

Because I am Mordred  
I have my own prophecy  
That says I'm gonna defeat  
The prince that helped rescue me!

So heed my words:  
Though I look sweet  
I'm not the nicest  
Boy you'll meet  
I've killed grown men  
Because I was vexed  
Don't cross my path  
Or you'll be next


	11. The Cenred Song

My name is Cenred  
I wear leather  
Because it's cooler  
Than coats of fur  
I am a greasy  
Greedy villain  
And I just love  
It when I win

I love Morgause  
I think she's hot  
Though I fear  
She thinks I'm not  
Our conversations  
Are rife with bits  
Of innuendos  
We have great wit

Because I am Cenred  
I have fun just being bad  
Nothing makes me happier  
Than making "good guys" really mad!

I am a liar  
I like to kill  
I've broken treaties  
I don't pay my bills  
I hurt people  
Because I can  
I think my hair  
Is long and grand!


	12. The Morgause Song

I am Morgause  
I am a witch  
I wear eye makeup  
That makes me itch  
I love my sister  
I hate those royals  
I'll kill them off  
My plans won't be foiled!

I have an odd  
Relationship  
With King Cenred  
He's a dipstick  
He is so dumb  
He thinks I'm hot  
I can control him  
Without a thought

Because I'm Morgause  
I'll double-cross you in a flash  
And if you don't believe me…  
Ask Cenred… Oh wait, you can't!

Yes, I killed Cenred  
He annoyed me  
He whined and fussed  
And made a scene  
So his own soldier  
Stabbed him for me  
Now he is dead  
And soon Morgana'll be queen!


	13. The Gwaine Song

My name is Gwaine  
I've got great hair  
And women swoon  
When my chest is bare  
I look real fine  
In some chainmail  
And I'm so strong  
I'd fight a whale!

I love my ale  
Taverns are great  
And all your pickled  
Eggs I ate  
I have a grin  
That melts girl's hearts  
They say I'm hunky  
Boy, aren't they smart?

Because I am Gwaine  
I get away with most anything  
Everyone I meet adores me  
All except that stupid King!

Merlin's my friend  
Arthur's a brat  
But still I'll serve  
Imagine that  
I've found some friends  
I'm loyal to  
I'll stand by them  
That much is true!


End file.
